


Farfetch'd for Thanksgiving

by GGMK



Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Anime)
Genre: Crack, Dark Humor, Gen, Happy Thanksgiving, Parody, Pokemon Hunting, Semi-dark, majorly OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-24
Updated: 2016-11-24
Packaged: 2018-09-01 21:44:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8639359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GGMK/pseuds/GGMK
Summary: Ash and his companions are celebrating their first Thanksgiving! Instead of turkey, the gang wants to try the rare delicacy Farfetch'd! Forget decency and morality, they need to feast! But can they catch the wily bird?





	

The sun was shining, the grass was bright green, the wind created a pleasant breeze, and some Fearow were flying around, looking like they were having loads of fun.

_Basically, it's another perfectly sanitized day! I wonder if my journey would be a bit cooler if there was ever any threat of me being in danger._

_Nah!_

These were the idle thoughts of ten-year-old Ask Ketchum, who had been spending most of the year traversing the Kanto region, searching for Pokémon far and wide. Also, he was collecting gym badges so that he could compete in a larger tournament with his Pokémon.

His yellow-rat Pokémon, Pikachu, was resting on his shoulder, tired after a previous fight they had been in. Ash wondered if he had spoiled Pikachu, who was probably the only Pokemon in the world who didn't get stuffed inside a Poke Ball every day.

"Slow down, Ash! We don't all have as much energy as you do, you know!" Ash turned around and made a face at Misty, the orange-haired girl who made up ½ of his traveling group. The second half was close behind her, a chocolate-skinned man named Brock, who was the smart one of the group.

As Brock was also the hopeless romantic of the group, Misty set it upon herself to protect every girl on earth from Brock's affections.

"Sorry, slow-pokes! I can't slow down! Adventure is always around the corner," Ash cheerfully called behind his shoulder, not really caring if Misty got mad at him or not.

"Man, Ash has enough energy to continue this journey for at least two decades." Brock started jogging so that he could keep up with his two younger companions.

"Don't even joke about that!" Brock flinched as Misty raised her voice against him, as she was apt to do.

"Guys, look." Ash's comment interrupted their almost-conversation. The three travelers gawked at a restaurant that, for some reason, was out here in the wilderness. A billboard hanging out one of the upper-windows mentioned something about Thanksgiving.

"What's a Thanksgiving?" Ash was puzzled; he had never heard of a Pokémon with that name before. Stupid Professor Oak hadn't told him about that! Misty face-palmed at the kid's ignorance.

Brock placed a hand on Ash's shoulder. "I'll explain: Thanksgiving is a holiday where everyone thinks about what they are thankful for. It's also a handy excuse to stuff yourself with food." Ash's face lit up, as if Pikachu itself was powering up the boy.

"Brock, will you cook something special for us, then?" Aside from being the smart one of the little group, Brock also had the honor of being the chef, which put him under a lot of pressure; after all, when a group of three people went travelling across the entire planet, it could be hard scrounging things up.

"…Or we could just eat at that restaurant. No offense Brock, but I would like to have some fancy food for an important holiday." Misty placed her hands on her hips, daring any of the two boys to disagree. Ash and Brock quickly shook their heads, and Pikachu lets out an adorable, "Pika?"

"That's right, we have to make sure that they also serve Pokémon food!" In Kanto, it wasn't uncommon to have restaurants serve Pokémon food, but one couldn't be too sure.

Deciding that they wouldn't know until they went inside, Ash grabbed the front door's handle, and yanked it open. He had been expecting a creaking noise, but it opened rather smoothly. The lighting was bright and cheerful, and Ash could smell no signs of alcohol. The wallpaper was bright yellow, and was covered with stickers of various Pokémon.

_Why was I expecting anything different? There is nothing even slightly unpleasant on my journeys!_

Pikachu rubbed its red-dotted cheek on Ash's face, causing the boy to laugh happily and forget his worries. The noise alerted the staff, as two people rushed to greet the curious travelers. They were possibly a married couple; one of them was a red-haired woman, and the other was a man with shoulder-length hair that was a shade of lavender. They both wore round glasses, and their clothing was fancy velvet.

"How may we serve you?" They both asked at the same time, even wringing their hands in perfect synchronization.

"Hey…do we know you?" Misty asked, holding a finger to her mouth, head tilted sideways. Both waiters started sweating. Ash figured that the air conditioner must be damaged.

"N-no, of course not. Where did you get that idea?" the red-haired lady asked nervously. Misty shrugged, looking a bit suspicious.

"Anyway, what are you serving for Thanksgiving, and can my Pikachu have some?" At the mention of Pikachu, both waiters got a glint in their eyes.

Or maybe it was the light bouncing off their glasses.

"Of course your delightful pet can have some food," the blue-haired dude said, waving his arms around. "As for what we're serving for Thanksgiving, we have opted not to prepare a turkey, because everyone does that. Instead, we will be preparing a Farfetch'd!"

Ash and his friends gasped. Farfetch'd was one of the rarest Pokémon, because they were so delicious, that they were almost extinct.

"However, there is a catch," the lady said as she made a what-can-you-do shrugging gesture.

Misty sighed. "I had a feeling."

"You see, we don't actually have a Farfetch'd with us. However, we know for a fact that there is one in the woods behind our restaurant," the man continued. Ash grew excited; this was a chance for even more adventure!

"We'll do it!" Ash yelled exuberantly, not noticing that Brock and Misty were beginning to look less than thrilled at the prospect of possibly spending hours searching for an elusive Pokémon in the woods just so that they could have lunch.

Unfortunately, they didn't have a choice; their opinion dwarfed that of the young boy and his enthusiasm, and he literally shoved them out of the restaurant, waving his farewells to the two waiters.

* * *

After the twerps had left, the two waiters laughed in a diabolical manner, and removed all their clothing. Luckily, they were somehow able to fit their regular costumes underneath the velvet, so no awkwardness happened.

"Thank goodness we didn't have to keep that act up for long," Jessie sighed as she brushed some red threads off her white skirt. James nodded his agreement, admiring how the bright red "R" emblazoned on their chest looked.

"That Misty girl almost caught on to us. Should we quit while we're ahead?" James was starting to get nervous. No matter how good their plots were, Ash and his friends always foiled them, usually with a well-placed Thunderbolt from that darned Pikachu!

A bunch of muffled yells alerted them to one of the cupboards. Upon opening it, their talking cat Pokémon Meowth fell out, wriggling and trying to escape from the ropes that bound his legs and gagged his mouth.

The evil duo untied their cat, who immediately scratched both their faces. Satisfied, Meowth began scolding his teammates.

"What was you thinking, huh? I coulda suffocated!" Jessie and James scrambled to defend themselves.

"If the twerps had seen you, our cover would have been blown!" Jessie tried to pat Mewoth, but he scratched her hand. Screaming, she ran into the bathroom to douse some cold water on the wound.

James backed up in fear from Meowth. "What do you want?" Meowth grinned, holding his sharp claws so that the light from one of the chandeliers bounced off into James' eyes.

"I want a piece of that Farfetch'd, if the twerps can catch it!"

* * *

Ash's voice was sore, after calling for Farfetch'd at least twelve times. He had cupped his hands over his mouth, and had sharply inhaled before Misty grabbed him in a chokehold.

"What are you thinking, idiot? Farfetch'd are always being hunted! Of course they won't come to any human dumb enough to yell!" Ash broke free and pouted. He hated when Misty was right.

"I have an idea, "Brock offered. "I'll use some of my Poke Food to lure it in." Reaching into one of the pockets on his vest, Brock removed what looked like dog food, and sprinkled it on the ground. The three held their breaths, waiting for the tell-tale sign of webbed feet.

A few moments later, and they heard what sounded like a bird walking towards them. And…Psyduck popped out of the bushes, holding his head as if he had an eternal headache, something Misty was no doubt starting to get.

"Psyduck? When did you get out of your Poke Ball? Ugh!" Misty grabbed her Poke Ball, and forced Psyduck back inside. Ash and Brock looked on, amused by the duck's antics. Misty turned on them, about to beat the stuffing out of them, pausing when the ground began rumbling.

"STAMPEDE!" Ash couldn't tell who yelled that; the footsteps of dozens of Tauros rushing to snatch Brock's Poke Food drowned everything out. Ash dashed away, fast enough that his cap fell off his head. Luckily, faithful Pikachu managed to get a hold of the cap with his thunderbolt-shaped tail, before fleeing alongside his master.

The kids were fast runners, and their shoes were strong enough to carry them across the world, but the Pokémon were quickly gaining.

"Ash, do something!" Misty cried. Ash, in a panic, threw out the Poke Ball he came across first. Luckily, the one he had randomly selected was Charizard, his large fire dragon-lizard. With a mighty roar, Charizard fired a blast of fire, engulfing the charging Pokémon – and part of the forest.

"Go, Staryu!" Misty cried as she threw a Poke Ball of her own. A star-shaped Pokémon with a jewel center emerged from the ball, and fired a stream of water, eventually dousing the flames.

"Um, thanks," Ash muttered, kicking a pebble. Misty sighed, deciding that ribbing him wouldn't be worth it at the moment.

Ash sat down on a burnt log, feeling despondent about their chances of ever finding Farfetch'd. Needing some comfort, Ash reached for his Pikachu, and held it close.

Only Pikachu didn't have feathers.

With a yelp, Ash, stood up and dropped the bird he was holding. Peering close at it, Ash noted that this bird had brown feathers, and was carrying a vegetable with it – a leek, perhaps.

"Time to use my handy dandy Pokedex." Ash grabbed his calculator-shaped Pokémon encyclopedia, and pointed it at the bird. The computerized voice informed Ash that the brown bird was a Farfetch'd.

Ash stood there for a few moments, stunned, before coming to his sense and lunging at Farfetch'd. The bird jumped just out of arm's reach, and taunted Ash by tapping its own butt with the leek. Growling, Ash grabbed a Poke Ball, and threw it at Farfetch'd. The bird Pokémon laughed, and used its leek like a baseball bat, sending the Poke Ball against a tree, where it broke in two.

"Ash, stop messing around!" Misty yelled. Brock was nowhere to be found. Realizing that it was up to him – like usual – Ash yelled for Pikachu, who tackled Farfetch'd. Farfetch'd began to wobble away, trying to escape from its tormentors.

"Not so fast!" Ash once again dove at the bird, and was rewarded with a whack to the head. Ash could see some Pidgey flying around his head. Pikachu climbed up Ash's leg in concern. Fondly petting his Pokémon, Ash glared at Farfetch'd, who was running into the distance.

Grabbing another Poke Ball, Ash summoned his Bulbasaur, who growled playfully when it saw its master.

"Bulbasaur, use Vine Whip!" Ash commanded, pointing at Farfetch'd. Two vines shot out from the large bulb on Bulbasaur's back, and wrapped themselves around the fleeing bird Pokémon.

Farfetch'd immediately began to peck at the vines, and poor Bulbasaur had no choice but to let the nasty bird escape. Disappointed, Ash returned Bulbasaur to his ball, the red light warping the grass Pokémon away.

The comical chase scene continued as the persistent Ash practically kicked up dust scrambling after Farfetch'd. Finally, Farfetch'd made the mistake of running to a clearing surrounded by a large cliff. Since Farfetch'd couldn't fly, it was trapped.

"I…finally…caught…you," Ash panted, perspiration running down his face. Ash moved his cap so that the front was facing backwards, a sure-sign that stuff was about to get real. Just then, Misty ran in, gasping loudly as she caught her breath.

"Ash, wait just a second! Are you sure that you want to do this? Farfetch'd is an endangered species, after all, and to murder this one just so that we can have some lunch seems weird. Also, those two waiters were very suspicious." Ash listened to her concerns, and then slowly turned around to the shivering Farfetch'd.

Kneeling down besides the Pokémon, Ash softly said, "You're scared, huh? I guess I understand. I wouldn't wanna be turned into lunch either. I hate violence against Pokémon, despite the fact that I have mine engage in battle all the time."

Ash stood up, holding the slowly calming Farfetch'd. Ash nuzzled it – before turning to Misty and shouting, "I'M HUNGRY!"

* * *

A few hours later, Ash, Misty, and Pikachu all rubbed their bellies, having just had one of the best lunches they had ever had. Thanksgiving truly was great!

"That whole ordeal was totally worth it," Ash lazily said, leaning back against his chair.

"Pika!" Pikachu clearly agreed, going as far as to dabble some ketchup on its food.

The two waiters emerged from the backroom, holding a net.

"At this point, you know the drill," Jessie growled. Ash opened a single eye.

"Yes. Yes I do. Pikachu, use Thunderbolt!" The whole restaurant was filled with a burst of yellow energy, and the two waiters (and Meowth) were sent flying into the air, yelling their usual mantra about blasting off.

"They try so hard, too," Misty giggled, not able to keep a straight face. Her giggles turned into a gasp as the front door was slammed open by an angry Brock.

"Oh no you didn't. You guys ate without me?" Ash and Misty glanced at each other, before pointing at Brock.

"Well, where did you go?" they demanded. Brock shuffled his feet.

"I had to go do stuff." Ash glared at Brock.

"What kind of stuff?"

"Just stuff."

Seeing that they would get no answer from their friend, Ash and Misty gently wiped their mouths with a cloth, before heading outside.

Ash knew that his journey was only just beginning! He couldn't wait to have more adventures! But every Thanksgiving, just for that one day, he'd return to this restaurant, for a small bit of Poke Food!

**Author's Note:**

> I remember being shocked when I read that, apparently, Farfetch'd are almost extinct in-universe due to being hunted. Yup, that's canon. That's what inspired this twisted little story. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.


End file.
